West Shore SixTen team visit

A group of 7 from my fellowship group at church came down this past week. We had a lot of fun together. They put together an amazing program for the kids at Luz y Vida- from gak and tie-dying, to minute-to-win-it games, Bible teaching centered around Noah's ark, "compliment" books for everyone, and balloon games, the kids enjoyed every minute. I think the team did too.

Outside of Luz y Vida we had a lot of fun too. Tuesday was my birthday and we celebrated Colombian style- food, conversation and dancing! Despite the fact that most of the team hadn't danced salsa and merengue before, they gave it a try and we all had a lot of tun. Having friends who love to cook and are studying at cooking school guarantees amazing birthday dinners, as the pictures prove.

Wednesday the team came to my house. I was so blessed by their willingness to help out. The girls painted the second coat of paint in my garage area, and then did some deep cleaning in my kitchen and bathrooms. Things got a bit complicated for the guys when we lost all of the pieces needed to assemble the medicine cabinet I bought, but even so, they managed to hang curtain rods, fix the overhead lighting in one room, assemble and install a medicine cabinet, put a toilet seat and a towel rod in my downstairs bathroom and spend a lot of time at Home Center, learning the word for drill bit and saw in Spanish, and tracking down missing pieces. I made dinner for the team with the help from the girls. It wasn't quite the masterpiece we had on my birthday, but it was pretty tasty too.

Yesterday I think I wore the team out. We went to the jungle in the morning and enjoyed playing with over a hundred kids, helping them with crafts, and keeping them safe. As soon as we finished there, we took a driving tour through the tolerance zone and the Bronx to see some of the conditions the children we work with come from and live in. From there, we drove up to the farm, where I led the whole team up hill through the rain, bushwhacking through bushes and brambles, and up a very steep incline for the awesome view of the Andes mountains. We got back, soaking wet, freezing, and ready to enjoy the aromatica (fresh herbal tea) that Bibi and Emily made for us.

The team left this morning. They'll be missed, and remembered. They also blessed us greatly with a donation of a k-3 guided reading curriculum. I'm so excited to train teachers how to use it and see kids reading books they'll be excited about!

When loving hurts

My heart hurts. B&C are bouncing from relative to relative, no one wants to or can take responsibility for them long term. I want them here, with me, with us, where we can shower them with God's love and learn as we go what it means to parent. But, due to a lot of factors, some legal, some practical, they can't come live with us again.

And I cry. Cry for the abandonment and rejection they've suffered more than once. Cry to think they may feel that we've abandoned and rejected them too. Cry for their vulnerability and my powerlessness in the face of it. Cry because it hurts to love and let go. Cry because I don't see answers and I want love and a home and stability for them. Cry for dreams that I thought I held lightly still hurting when I let them go. Cry because while I said I was painting the guest room, in my thoughts it was the boys' room, and now it's empty with nothing but the shadow of dreams.

I ask God why. Why, when I am willing, is the answer no? Why, when I don't see any other solution can't I be part of the solution? Why do children suffer for the sins of the parents? Why does it look like He isn't acting?

But God reminds me, "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:9).

I don't have his perspective. Joseph sat in prison for years. Moses spent 40 years in the wilderness before going back to Egypt and leading the Israelites to freedom. Dead ends. Failure. Forsaken. At least, that's how it looked. But God orchestrated it for good. He can do that for them too. Not only can he do it, I know that God's love for these boys is greater than mine is. These boys truly are fatherless. God talks a lot about his love and protection for the fatherless in his word. "He defends the cause of the fatherless. . . " (Deuteronomy 10:8) "Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close." (Psalm 27:10).

So, I cling to that. God loves them. He will hold them close. He will defend them. He's better at that than I am anyway.

But still, it's hard.

A year ago. . .

2 years ago today, I arrived in Costa Rica to start my DTS.

One year ago today, I graduated from the Children at Risk school.

Tomorrow will mark the third 4th of July in a row that I've spent outside of the States.

In the past year I finished my first year of teaching in Colombia. I designed a first and second grade reading program in Spanish and taught 9 children how to read or improve their reading skills. I did a Bible study on the entire book of Matthew with a first grade class. I saw God's spirit at work in the lives of children. I rejoiced to see some kids come back for a second year, and others move on to the continuing education phase of the ministry. And I've struggled as some have dropped out of school, gone to very overcrowded and poor quality public schools and faced some tough issues.

I've had 7 different house mates, lived with a family of 5 (along with 2 of my other housemates) and had 2 boys live with us. I lived at Jordi and Ria's, the 127 house, and Torre Fuerte. I moved into a neighborhood within walking distance of where I worked and helped with the makeover of a 100 year old home. I received visits from my brother Jonathan, my sister Rebecca, my Mom and a friend from church.

I learned to say yes when invited to play soccer, volleyball, or basketball. And what's more, I've learned to enjoy it despite the fact that I still am not much help to my team (and sometimes accidently help the opposing team)

I experienced a bit what it is like to be a mom as my housemates and I took responsibility for 2 brothers in February and March. We cooked and cleaned and laughed and played together. I tried to figure out how to help them grow into the young men God desires them to be.

I moved into a new position at my school, taking the role as the academic director instead of a classroom teacher. I'm trying to learn how to be in a position of authority with adults and not just children.

This year God's been teaching me to focus more on being, not doing. I've been learning what it means to rest. I've been overwhelmed by my Father's loving attention to detail in my life, and learning bit by bit to trust him more with the big picture too.

Wow. Amazing what can happen in a year. I couldn't have imagined all of this last July. I wonder where I'll be and what will have changed by this time next July?

Faith like a mustard seed

The photocopier at the school is unreliable at best. It's been known to jam 4 times when running 3 copies. For several days running I couldn't get it to work at all. So, the other day when someone asked me to run a copy, I said, "pray for a miracle". And then, I did pray, set the paper on the glass, and hit the button. And out came the copy! I was happy, handed it off to the teacher, and went back to working at my desk. Where I realized that I needed to run copies of something for the first grade class. As I set the paper down in the copier again, I found myself praying something along the lines of, "Well God, I know you already gave me one miracle copy, but I could really use another 6. I know it's a lot to ask, but, if you could . . ." As I looked up at the sky I realized what a ridiculous prayer that was. Here I was, talking to the God of the universe, the creator of everything I see, who has power to raise from the dead, and I was thinking that 6 copies was a lot to ask for. How big is my faith really, if I can doubt God's ability to intervene with an ornery copy machine?

God's grace is definitely greater than my faith. My 6 copies printed without a problem. All day long, I'd pray before hitting the button, and out would come my copies, just as if it were a normal copier that worked.

On Thursday, I squeezed what was close to the last of my hand cream out of the bottle before heading in to Luz y Vida. As I thought to myself that hand cream isn't something I really want to spend the money on right now, I said to God, "it would be nice if someone gave me some. But, seeing as it isn't my birthday and there isn't any other special occasion, I guess it isn't all that likely . . "

A few hours later in Luz y Vida, I met Rebecca who used to work here and came back for a visit. She reached into her bag. "A friend of mine from church wanted to give gifts to all the missionaries I could think of. Here, this is for you". Can you guess what one of the things she handed me was?

Each morning as I put on my hand cream, it reminds me- God sees us. He hears us. He cares about the little things. Even when we don't see the answers, when what we ask for seems too big or out of the ordinary, or just not important enough to bother God about, God is more than able to answer in ways that surprise us.

Seeing God work in the little things reminds me he is in control of the big things too. If he cares enough about me to continue to supply me with English novels, to send me hand cream the day I ask for it, to make an "impossible" copier function, than surely he cares about the more pressing things on my mind. And if he cares, he will act. Not on my timeline. But he hears me. He sees me. I am loved and I am not forgotten.

Rainbow over Monserrate

Witness to the Wonder

Birds flit- crimson red, bright yellow. A humming bird hovers at the edge of my vision. Something wobbles past, wings blurred in flight, too small to be a bird, I think, but the flight pattern strikes me as very un-insect like.

I drink the colors.

White clouds backed by blue sky.

Russet red showing against a green tree.

And I'm a silent witness to the wonder of it all. God's creation in its stunning variety.

What does it say about God, this lavishness, the startling colors, every beautifully contoured hill that takes my breath away, the thousands of species still being discovered? Could God not have made a perfectly functional universe devoid of beauty, of color, of exuberance? Do we need the excess of the milky way galaxy and everything beyond- millions of stars and only one small life bearing planet?

It wasn't necessary, not for us. But that's the way God created. He chose color, life, beauty. Beetles and frogs, flowers and clouds, finger prints and snow flakes, all reflecting Him. Beauty. Creativity. Uniqueness. Delight.
He made it, and then he calls us. Whispers to us, enchants us, allures us, shouts with joy. An invitation to know him, a God more beautiful, more desirable, more enticing, more mysterious, more complicated than his creation. A God that offers abundance, joy, freedom, love, life.

Stop a moment and witness the wonder. What does God whisper to you?

Sex Ed 101

Today, I'm sitting around with the first graders, watching them put their number tiles in order, and not paying too close attention to the chatter all around me. Something though, jumps out at me, "and then they took their pants off in the tree and they were making love". The rest of my math lesson plan was abandoned as I tried to figure out exactly what had happened and how to deal with it.

We talked about how there are certain body parts we don't show to anyone, nor do we ask anyone to show them to us. I told them that if anyone tries to touch or look at those body parts, or they see any children doing that, then they need to tell a teacher right away. We talked about how there are some things kids can do by themselves (like playing and coloring), some things they need a grown up to help with (crossing the road and cooking) and some things they can't do at all (driving a car and well, making love) and how those limits are there to keep them safe.

That was not a lesson I had planned on teaching today. I'm still trying to figure out how to teach VERY sexually aware first graders what is and isn't appropriate behavior in a way that is age appropriate, but acknowledges they know way more than I did at their age. Any suggestions?