The Measure of a Day

I like checklists.  They make me feel productive, and, a product of my American Protestant work ethic, I strive for productivity.

If my list looks like this at the end of the day, I feel satisfied

study German
study Finnish
class
read article for thesis
laundry
grocery shopping
dishes
clean the bathroom
homework

But, on a day like today, when my list looks more like this:

study German
study Finnish
class
read article for thesis
laundry
grocery shopping
dishes
clean the bathroom
homework


I feel like a failure.

But are success and failure measured only by what we do?  Isn't who we are just as important? I think I need to remake my lists, change my priorities.  So, learning to be instead of to do, here's a new list.

The Hero and the Dream

What if I developed a research based family reading program to target comprehension skills and motivation to read?  What if I worked with authors and publishers to make quality children's literature in Spanish available and affordable?  What if I networked with the hundreds of already existing after-school programs that work with kids in poor neighborhoods all over Latin America so that they could increase the effectiveness of their tutoring/home work help time?  What if I did all of that together? Could I?  Would it make a difference?

Because that is, right now, my still germinating dream.  I'm not sure on the details, and it's big enough to make me think that maybe, just maybe, I should dream smaller, reach for more attainable goals.  I start to doubt, not only myself, but that one person can make a measurable change on more than a micro scale.

And then, I ran into Gezelius.  Not literally, of course.  Johannes Gezelius was a Bishop here in Turku in the 1600s that I learned about as I did research for the paper for my history class.  He single handedly wrote textbooks, founded a paper mill and a printing press, made school reforms, and started a church-based system of popular education.  His primer was used here in Finland for 150 years.

His story encouraged me.  He had similar motivations, and in some ways, even faced similar issues.  And the results to his life's work are still evident today.

I have no grand schemes of being famous and influential enough that someone will write a history paper about me 400 years from now.  But I do hope that, whether my dream morphs over the next few years, or stays the same, I'll pursue it and see results that last.

Being, not Doing

I’ve been somewhat frustrated lately. For years I’ve had goals I was working towards: Finishing college, getting a teaching job, finishing my ESL certificate, finding a volunteer job with at-risk kids in South America.

And here I am. I reached my goal. I’m happy about that on one level, but now I’m left wondering, what next? I never made a new goal. What do I DO? Where do I go? Do I stay here longer? Do I stay in administration? Do I go back to teaching? Do I start thinking about starting a ministry?

But recently, I had a startling thought. Life is about who we are, not what we do. That is not the startling thought; I’ve been working on internalizing that one for years now. Here’s the thought that startled me: Maybe my goals should be more focused on who I am becoming, and not what I am doing. Maybe learning to truly rest is a good goal. Maybe learning to walk in grace while still doing everything “heartily as to the Lord” is a good goal. Maybe joy, contentment, and delight in Jesus is a good goal. Maybe knowing myself better is a good goal.

Part of me would love to have a concrete, action oriented goal, “I will stay here for 2 more years and leave behind a comprehensive curriculum for each grade level” Or, “I will go back to the States and get my masters in bilingual education and teach in a dual immersion classroom” Or, “I’ll travel the world for a year and visit friends and other ministries and do some research towards starting a ministry to at-risk kids of my own”

But right now, I don’t have an action-focused goal. And I think that’s ok. Whatever I do next year, and the year after and 10 years down the road and wherever God takes me I think if my goal is to delight in Him, to do my best for his glory while accepting his grace, to live the concept of Sabbath rest, to find joy in the things he has made me enjoy, then whatever it is I am doing won’t be so important. What will matter is who I am becoming, a child of God, in right relationship with him, myself, and others.

My life list

I wrote this list about 4 years ago, after reading a friend's book that listed a lot of things to do- some important, others trivial. I found it today, so here, in no particular order, is my list. Some of the things on the list I'm no longer sure I want to do. Others I've already done (I've marked those with an asterisk) and a few I have plans to complete in the next year or so (I've marked those with a pound sign)
*1. Eat sushi
2. Ride in a hot air balloon
3. Ride on a motorcycle
4. Take singing lessons
5. Sketch a lake
6. Paint the sky
*7. Sponsor a child (Damaris in Ecuador)
8. Build a snow fort that has a roof
*9. Go to a Thai restaurant
*10. Find a copy of Five Little Peppers All Grown Up and read it. (I read it online!)
#11. Live in a Latin American country for a couple of years
*12. Spend the summer in a country in Asia, learning the language
*13. Make a quilt (Does a machine sewed t-shirt quilt count?)
14. Make a doll house
15. Learn to crochet
*16. Travel through Europe
17. Be an au pair in Spain
18. Visit Puerto Rico
19. Make an annotated list of historical fiction for kids
20. Make taffy
21. Plant tulips and daffodils
22. Go to the Arctic circle in summer when it’s bright at midnight
23. Become bilingual in English and Spanish (On a good day I consider myself bilingual, but not quite fluent. On a bad day, not so much)
24. Teach in a bilingual class
*25. Get my ESL certification
26. See Michelangelo’s David
*27. See the Sistine Chapel (And Michelangelo's Pieta was there! An added bonus)
28. Memorize Romans 8
29. Read all the Newberry Award books
#30. Live in a city (Well, since it was on my list, I guess I didn't think my 5 months in Ecuador counted. Bogota for 2 years should count though)
31. Go to California (I don't think landing in the airport there counts, right?)
32. Read The Pedagogy of the Oppressed
33. Wear a dress form the 1860’s complete with a hoop skirt
34. Buy a pair of navy blue dress shoes
#35. Do some sort of missions/volunteer work with street kids
36. Write a book
37. Get a masters degree
38. Visit Stonehenge
39. Ride a gondola in Venice (I was SO close. I've been to Venice, the gondola will have to wait)
40. Walk on the great wall of China
41. Go on a safari
42. Fall in love
43. Get married
44. Have kids
*45. Buy a shepherd to complete my crèche.
*46. Find the name of that painting that I loved from the Musee d’Orsay. (I saw a book at Barnes and Noble about the Musee d'Orsay and looked through until I found it. It's called Haymaking and is by Jules Bastien-Lepage)

6 Words

Today I got an e-mail from Amazon suggesting the "top books" of the year so far. "Not Quite What I was Planning: Six word memoirs from writers famous and obscure" caught my eye. I went to the website and and started browsing through some of them. There were some good ones.

Took different road, never got there

Sorry, you're thinking of my sister.

Got fired. Crazy, amazing, wonderful day.

Curiosity: killed cat. Eight lives left.

Evolved since childhood. Still like bananas.


So, I decided I wanted to write my own six word memoirs. :)

Speaking English, dreaming Spanish, learning Chinese

Many questions, never any easy answers.

Eight at home, one in Taiwan.

Wanderlust and service. Can they coincide?

God leads. I try to follow.


And, this will be even more appropriate once Sarah Grace comes home:
4 brothers, 2 sisters. Life's crazy.

How would you sum up your life in 6 words?



I leave you with 6 words a little girl that I just met yesterday said to me today as I was leaving work. Do they make you as sad as they made me? Pray for her.

"Will you take me with you?"