The Proposal

Cristian had just gotten in the night before and after a long, tiring journey, a late night, and jetlag, watching a movie together seemed like the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon. So we cuddled up on the couch and he started About Time, a movie he said he thought sounded good and he had on his computer.  Fifteen minutes in or so, he turned to me and said, "Wait, this takes place in England?" Bemused, I asked him if he hadn't noticed their accents. It was a charming, sweet love story with a time travel twist and I was soon caught up in the story.  Boy meets girl, they fall in love, and a song I know started playing. 

Not just any song. I looked up at him, "Hey! It's our song!" I smiled, then kissed him, happy in the moment.  I had a tiny little suspicion that maybe he wasn't as clueless about this movie as his "This takes place in England?" remark made him seem.  "Did you know our song was in this movie?" I asked. "What do you think?" he responded.  The obvious answer was, "Yes"

"Now I have a question for you." he said.  And in the second before he continued, my stomach did a million acrobatic flips and my heart started racing.  "This is it. He's really going to ask me to marry him." I thought. "Will you marry me?" he asked, and out of nowhere, he had the ring box open in his hand. And once again, the obvious answer was "YES!". I clung to him, tears hovering at the edges of my eyes, feeling like my heart would burst with so much love and joy. He slipped the ring on my finger as the movie played on in the background, the two of us completely oblivious to it anymore.  He finally asked if I was going to look at the ring, which I'd really overlooked in the significance of the moment.  It was gorgeous.  I watched it sparkle and tried to wrap my mind around the fact that we were actually getting married. 

Eventually we came down from the clouds, got to call and tell my parents, and even eventually finished the movie.  Turned out he'd actually watched it 7 times, figuring out the timing so he'd know when to slip the ring out, unseen by me and be ready to propose.  And it worked. The tenderness of being proposed to with our song playing in the background, the element of surprise, the privacy to be delighted together afterwards-I couldn't have imagined a more perfect moment. 

A time to mourn

Exactly one year and 5 days ago, I left Colombia.  Not that I'm counting or anything.

When I first left, I cried every single day.  It felt like breaking up.  Except with like 15 people at once.  My life as I knew it was over, and I didn't really have much to take it's place.

But, color comes back to grey days.  I lived new adventures, made new friends, saw God at work in my life in new ways.

Grief has a way of circling back though, and catching you when you're least aware.  Suddenly, I find myself in tears all over again.

Maybe, somewhere subconsciously, I felt like I'd just pressed "pause" on my life in Colombia.  Everyone and everything was waiting just how I left it, and when I was done here, if I wanted, I could slip back into that old life.

But, changes are happening a world away, and they're knocking that comforting little fantasy to pieces. One of my former housemates is moving back to the States.  Anticipating her transition, remembering my own just a year ago, stirs up all those emotions of my own.

Another housemate is getting married.  I'm so excited for her.  And so far away.

But both of those changes are a firmly closing door.  Those girls who I laughed, and cried, and stayed up way too late with trying to solve the worlds' problems, and consumed more pizza with than any of us probably care to admit, they won't be there for me to be housemates with anymore.

And, Luz y Vida isn't opening this year.  The school I taught at, and then directed, that I poured my heart into, that I worked on a curriculum for, hoping for a future, it isn't even open this year.  In some ways it's heartbreakingly sad.  In other ways, it's just confusing.  And in amongst that sorrow and confusion, there's a little tiny bit of relief.  A relief that says, "see, leaving was the right decision, even if there were moments you wished you were back, what would you be doing now?"

So, I mourn again.  I mourn for doors that are firmly closed.  I mourn because you can't step into the same river twice.  And I cry for something beautiful that is gone now.

Around the table

One thing that I looked forward to as I moved into Torre Fuerte was the opportunity it would give me to have guests over. This past year, the moments I've spent around our table, laughing with friends over food, have been some of my favorites.

Coming back after spending time with my family, one of the things that made it easiest to come back was the community we've built around the table. My first week back, there were only 2 days that there wasn't someone sharing a meal with us at home. Friends called to see if they could stop by. All of us who'd been out of the country brought back things for those who couldn't travel, and we got together to catch up, give gifts and packages that had been sent to us for them, and just hang out. As the afternoon stretched on towards evening and we all started getting hungry, we naturally gravitated towards the kitchen and started cooking- a trip to the corner store to pick up missing ingredients, more laughter as we cut and stir and taste. "where there's enough for 4 there's enough for 5 (or 6, or 7. . .)" has been heard many times here, as another friend drops by, or a housemate not expected back until late walks in as we're setting the table.

Of course, once we settle back into our work schedules and we're with kids again, we'll be busier; I doubt we'll have another week with friends around our table 5 days out of 7. But, they'll still be here from time to time, and as we enjoy each others cooking, we'll share laughter, work through our struggles, encourage one another, and grow in community.

"Always be eager to practice hospitality." Romans 12:13b

Real men paint their fingernails

We’re sitting around the living room, Jessica painting Edwin’s nails with clear nail varnish, as he talks to us about something serious. A few minutes go by before I realize how absurd this would look at home. But here, even my friend Peter who likes hip-hop and rap, and dresses the part, lets his little sisters paint his nails.

I get my hair cut, nothing dramatic, my Mom doesn’t even notice in our skype chat. I walk in the door to our weekly meeting and run into Alex who’s been visiting family for over a month. Greetings out of the way, the first thing he says after not seeing me for 6 weeks is ‘you got your hair cut”. Bored of always wearing my hair the same way, one day I put half of it up in a ponytail. Fabian’s first words on seeing me are “new look?”. Whoever said men aren’t detail oriented hasn’t met these men.

I’m leaving the 127 house, headed across the road to catch a bus home. Someone whistles at me from the sidewalk. I ignore it, and keep walking. There’s usually a group of students at the store and looking just encourages them. And then I pause. It could be Edwin. I risk a glance behind me, and there he is, standing at the door and smiling. Whistles, winks, flirtatious comments that aren’t meant to be taken seriously, I’m still trying to work out how to know when someone is serious.

They open the door and let me walk through first, walk on the street side of the sidewalk, (sometimes) carry heavy things without me even asking, walk me to the bus stop and wait with me when it’s dark, worry about how I’m getting home if it’s late. But they also get up and walk away from the table when they’re done eating, leaving the rest of us to hurry up and catch up. They tell lies when they don’t think it matters. They hunt me down, hold me still and dump water on me in a birthday party gone just a bit wild. Not quite knights in shining armor, or perfect gentleman, but definitely guys I’m glad to have as friends.

10 reasons I'll miss Costa Rica

We call ourselves “La Familia Rara”, the strange family. After living together 24/7 for the last 2 months, we truly feel like family. We have our own traditions- a song we sing for grace while holding hands, a special DTS handshake, and the way we end prayer times with a group huddle and “uno,dos,tres, JESUS!”. We have our own inside jokes (just say “fuego” and see what happens, or ask one of us to finish the phrase “donde yo voy. . .) We tease each other and sometimes we drive each other crazy, but mostly, we love one another.

Alex- We’re alike in so many ways. We even find ourselves saying the same thing, at the same time, with the same inflection. It drives Alex crazy, but I think it’s funny. She always encourages me, notices when I’m not feeling great, and asks me how I’m really doing and makes me answer. She also gives me great hugs. Her desire to draw close to God, and the ways I’ve seen her work on overcoming her own fears during this DTS are awesome.

Anna- has an infectious laugh and the largest repertoire of cartoon voices and fake accents of anyone I know. As the third youngest person in our group who is also one of our group leaders, she constantly impresses me with her maturity and ability to lead. Her passion for God and to draw others into a passionate relationship with him is a blessing.

JT- is such a servant leader. His humility and habit of being the first to volunteer for anything we need inspire us all. JT’s ever-optimistic predictions of what the next day holds (5 star hotels, catered food, swimming pools) always keep us laughing. JT is so hungry and willing to grow spiritually and has grown so much during this DTS. He and his wife are also expecting their first baby, a son, in April!

Katie- is generous and loves to share. She’s a Bible scholar- her love of learning and digging deeper into scripture and the things of God make me want to read more non-fiction. Katie is honest about her own struggles in ways that encourage me to be more open. You can also always count on Katie to make you laugh.

Lito- is a really good listener. As our only male leader, and the fact that he’s known for being serious and reflective has earned him the position of the honorary “father” of our family. He also has a goofy side though and I love the way he’s able to not take himself too seriously.

Luis- We all expect him to be an evangelist or a Pastor. Luis impresses us with his natural preaching ability, and the way he can approach perfect strangers and easily start a conversation about God. His smile never fails to make me smile in return and his craziness makes us all laugh.

Manny- is my biggest help and encourager with Spanish. He’s not afraid to correct my mistakes, but he also notices when I’ve learned something new. I love talking to Manny- he’s really animated when he tells about something that happened to him, and he’s always willing to listen to my stories. He’s really striving to hear and obey God’s voice.

Reanna- is everyone’s little sister. I love her exuberance. Her Panamanian phrases and excitement over little things make us smile. The freedom she has when she worships God and her love of prayer and willingness to pray in public encourage me to be more like her.

Rebeca- reminds me of a princess with her femininity and grace. She’s always friendly to everyone and has an ability to make people feel loved. Her desire to serve God is evident in her life, and as the youngest member of our group it’s really encouraging to see someone so young who is so dedicated to following God. I can’t wait to see how He uses her.

Rossela- is the wisest one in our group. She is good at giving hugs, encouragement, comfort, and advice. She loves to rejoice with us. Just being around Rossela makes me happy. We love to teach her new random English expressions like “gee golly” and “let’s blow this popsicle stand” so we can hear her say them in her amazing accent.