The me that I'm becoming

Today, I made myself arepas for breakfast, and then sat and read my Spot books (in Finnish) while I ate.  There was something about that juxtaposition of cultures that got me thinking.  Because for me, making and eating an arepa is more than just cooking and eating.  It's an act of identifying with the Colombian "side" of my identity, connecting with friends far away, remembering- learning to make arepas for the asado (cook out) we had in La Calera with Bibi, the laughter in the kitchen at Luz y Vida as we made breakfast for 30,  the open bag of harina pan that Alex used to pat his arepas into shape, listening to Edwin and his brother and cousin discuss politics around the breakfast table, making arepas rellenas for dinner with Andreina when she came to visit me in the States.

And I realize how much my time in Colombia changed me. Not just in ways that are easy to explain, like memories, and eating new foods.  But things that are so much harder to see, or even for me to identify.  I see the world differently.  I have more than one way of doing things depending on where I am and who I'm with.  My values have shifted.

And now, I'm learning a new language, in a new country, with a new culture. Somewhere in a powerpoint this week, I saw these sentences: "You can't learn a language without learning the culture, and you can't learn a culture without learning the language"  I'd agree, and I'd add that you can't learn a language and culture and remain the same.

My favorite poem pretty much says the same thing-

Aprender el inglés/Learning English  by Luis Alberto Ambroggio

Vida 

Para entenderme 

Tienes que saber español 

Sentirlo en la sangre de tu alma.

Si hablo otro lenguaje

Y uso palabras distintas

Para expresar sentimientos que nunca cambiarán

No sé 

Si seguiré siendo 

La misma persona

Life 

to understand me 

you have to know Spanish 

feel it in the blood of your soul.

If I speak another language

And use different words

For feelings that will always stay the same

I don’t know 

If I’ll continue being 

The same person

And that's what I wonder- who will I be when my time here is done?  How will Finland and everything I do and see and experience and learn here change me?