I’ve been somewhat frustrated lately. For years I’ve had goals I was working towards: Finishing college, getting a teaching job, finishing my ESL certificate, finding a volunteer job with at-risk kids in South America.
And here I am. I reached my goal. I’m happy about that on one level, but now I’m left wondering, what next? I never made a new goal. What do I DO? Where do I go? Do I stay here longer? Do I stay in administration? Do I go back to teaching? Do I start thinking about starting a ministry?
But recently, I had a startling thought. Life is about who we are, not what we do. That is not the startling thought; I’ve been working on internalizing that one for years now. Here’s the thought that startled me: Maybe my goals should be more focused on who I am becoming, and not what I am doing. Maybe learning to truly rest is a good goal. Maybe learning to walk in grace while still doing everything “heartily as to the Lord” is a good goal. Maybe joy, contentment, and delight in Jesus is a good goal. Maybe knowing myself better is a good goal.
Part of me would love to have a concrete, action oriented goal, “I will stay here for 2 more years and leave behind a comprehensive curriculum for each grade level” Or, “I will go back to the States and get my masters in bilingual education and teach in a dual immersion classroom” Or, “I’ll travel the world for a year and visit friends and other ministries and do some research towards starting a ministry to at-risk kids of my own”
But right now, I don’t have an action-focused goal. And I think that’s ok. Whatever I do next year, and the year after and 10 years down the road and wherever God takes me I think if my goal is to delight in Him, to do my best for his glory while accepting his grace, to live the concept of Sabbath rest, to find joy in the things he has made me enjoy, then whatever it is I am doing won’t be so important. What will matter is who I am becoming, a child of God, in right relationship with him, myself, and others.
3 comments:
What a great realization. You know something wonderful about being focused goals instead of action focused goals? It gives you so much more freedom and creativity in your approach to reaching them. I guess I could say there's a bit of action centered focus in my goals: I want to run a CSA, I want to live in a yurt with a bunch of friends, I want to raise meat and dairy goats. But it's all years down the road and there's someone I have to become first. I need to learn more about farming, yurts, intentional community living, goats, business (ugh) and etc. ad infinitum. And all along the way, other goals like writing and traveling and making the perfect loaf of bread can all play a part. Not to mention, that as much as I love my eventual ideal, I'm opening to all sorts of variations and completely different ideas as well. I get really excited about the future! And then I start looking for my next job...
Isn't that what life is all about? Setting goals? Revisiting goals? Rearranging goals? Being flexible enough to change goals as life dictates? It's all about becoming who you are supposed to be. It never ends, until you die. You are always changing and being and doing and searching and wondering. It's fun. It's scary. It's confusing. It's life! LOVE IT!
good luck as you search for your next life steps.
Jan
My dear Annie,
What you have written here is true....and I believe that God will lead you in the path he wants you take. I believe that this is were God wants you to be therefore, seek his guidance as you always have. As much as I would love to see you back here in States...I believe you have a ministery within God therefore, you must continue what you have started.....your mission to help other children in need of that guidance and wisdom that God has given you to share with them. Follow what God has inspired you to do! Love ya and miss ya!
Belly
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