Empty

This morning I still had 5 days left to get used to the idea of saying goodbye to my students, to finish reading the story my third graders were fascinated by, to keep my promises, to buy a good-bye gift for my reading students, to take lots of pictures. Or at least, so I thought. Then today, 10 minutes into my last class of the day, our principal asked all homeroom teachers to return to their classrooms, so I took my kids back to class, wondering what was going on. With 45 minutes left in the school day, they handed out papers to all the teachers, explaining that we were closing for the year due to an increase in flu symptoms at our school.

When I go back on Monday, the halls will be empty, but I'll have cupboards full of workbooks I told students they could take home with them at the end of the year, desks with the pencil cases and crayons I bought for my students still inside them, and books on hold at the library that I now have no reason to pick up.

It's hard to have so little closure. It would have been disappointing any year, but on a year when I'm leaving for good, it's really sad. I broke down and cried for awhile, then went to say good-bye. I stopped in room 213 first to say good bye to Dynamo, Thing 1, and Princess Fiona. When I told them I wouldn't be back next year, I wasn't the only one crying. All 3 of them were distressed. I told them I'd be back to visit in December, and that they would be just fine without me. I know it's true, but they didn't quite believe me.

I didn't tell the students in the other classes I was leaving. I had wanted them to know why I was leaving, and where I was going, but it seemed selfish to tell them if they were going to be that upset. I know when they come back next year, they'll notice I'm not there, they might even ask where I went, but they'll move on, and there probably won't be any tears.

It's hard to say good-bye. I worked at this school for 4 years, and I've known some of my students for that long. My favorite student my first year was a cute second grader with a smile that melted my heart. He was my most difficult student- he acted out, never did his homework, and was way behind my below grade level reading class. But, he was enthusiastic, he loved learning about new things, he was affectionate and funny. I watched him grow from a Spanish-only speaker to a confident bilingual student. I haven't taught him in the past 2 years, but I still see him around. Today I caught him on the way out of his classroom on his last day in elementary school to wish him luck in middle school. He still acts out and never does his homework, but he smiled at me when I wished him luck, and his smile still melts my heart. I'll miss him and so many other students who have brought me headaches and challenges, but even more joy, smiles, and laughter.