Baby Steps

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

Sometimes, I fret.  I worry about the things I cannot control.  But there are moments when I see progress, when I realize that I have learned to cast not all, but at least some, of my burdens on Jesus and to leave them there. 

At the end of last year, I desperately, and to be perfectly honest, without much faith, asked God for teachers for this year.  I didn’t see where his answer would come from, so even as I asked, I doubted his response.  Despite my lack of faith, God provided.  My faith grew just a little bit.  Enough that when Rae Ann was left without a classroom aide, and I had no idea where one would come from, instead of fretting, I took the problem to Jesus and stopped worrying.  On Wednesday, Jessica had to go pick someone up from the airport, someone I wasn’t even aware was coming.  By Friday, she’d been to visit Luz y Vida and I found out that she would be staying until the end of the school year, helping as a classroom aide in Rae Ann’s class.

“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you”. 1 Peter 5:7

Thinking about heading back to the States and my transition time before grad school, I started wondering about where I would live.  Before I even had time to worry about it, my mom mentioned that my family will be moving out of the house we’ve lived in for years and into a new house, and maybe they could rent the old house to me.  One question taken care of, I reminded God (not that he really needed a reminder) how much I hate the thought of living alone.  Turns out my sister has decided to pursue grad school at the same time as me and will be at the same point of transition, so it looks like the two of us may be housemates in our parents’ old house before we start grad school.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?” Matthew 6:25

As my faith grows in some areas, I still find it desperately lacking in others.  I worry. What if none of the grad schools I apply to accepts me?  What if I finish grad school and don’t know what I’m supposed to do next? And my biggest worry, What if I stay single for the rest of my life, how will I deal with that?

Be anxious for NOTHING

It’s a command.  Not one I’m very good at keeping.  Over and over again, I find myself back where I started, pleading with God for the answer I want.  And over and over I have to remind myself- My God provides for me.  My God loves me.  My God is all-powerful.  I do not need to fear.  Worrying changes nothing.  And I hope, that bit by bit, I will learn to truly be anxious for nothing, to take all my worries and fears to God and leave them there, trusting that the God who has shown himself to be faithful over and over and over again will never stop being faithful.