West Shore SixTen team visit

A group of 7 from my fellowship group at church came down this past week. We had a lot of fun together. They put together an amazing program for the kids at Luz y Vida- from gak and tie-dying, to minute-to-win-it games, Bible teaching centered around Noah's ark, "compliment" books for everyone, and balloon games, the kids enjoyed every minute. I think the team did too.

Outside of Luz y Vida we had a lot of fun too. Tuesday was my birthday and we celebrated Colombian style- food, conversation and dancing! Despite the fact that most of the team hadn't danced salsa and merengue before, they gave it a try and we all had a lot of tun. Having friends who love to cook and are studying at cooking school guarantees amazing birthday dinners, as the pictures prove.

Wednesday the team came to my house. I was so blessed by their willingness to help out. The girls painted the second coat of paint in my garage area, and then did some deep cleaning in my kitchen and bathrooms. Things got a bit complicated for the guys when we lost all of the pieces needed to assemble the medicine cabinet I bought, but even so, they managed to hang curtain rods, fix the overhead lighting in one room, assemble and install a medicine cabinet, put a toilet seat and a towel rod in my downstairs bathroom and spend a lot of time at Home Center, learning the word for drill bit and saw in Spanish, and tracking down missing pieces. I made dinner for the team with the help from the girls. It wasn't quite the masterpiece we had on my birthday, but it was pretty tasty too.

Yesterday I think I wore the team out. We went to the jungle in the morning and enjoyed playing with over a hundred kids, helping them with crafts, and keeping them safe. As soon as we finished there, we took a driving tour through the tolerance zone and the Bronx to see some of the conditions the children we work with come from and live in. From there, we drove up to the farm, where I led the whole team up hill through the rain, bushwhacking through bushes and brambles, and up a very steep incline for the awesome view of the Andes mountains. We got back, soaking wet, freezing, and ready to enjoy the aromatica (fresh herbal tea) that Bibi and Emily made for us.

The team left this morning. They'll be missed, and remembered. They also blessed us greatly with a donation of a k-3 guided reading curriculum. I'm so excited to train teachers how to use it and see kids reading books they'll be excited about!

When loving hurts

My heart hurts. B&C are bouncing from relative to relative, no one wants to or can take responsibility for them long term. I want them here, with me, with us, where we can shower them with God's love and learn as we go what it means to parent. But, due to a lot of factors, some legal, some practical, they can't come live with us again.

And I cry. Cry for the abandonment and rejection they've suffered more than once. Cry to think they may feel that we've abandoned and rejected them too. Cry for their vulnerability and my powerlessness in the face of it. Cry because it hurts to love and let go. Cry because I don't see answers and I want love and a home and stability for them. Cry for dreams that I thought I held lightly still hurting when I let them go. Cry because while I said I was painting the guest room, in my thoughts it was the boys' room, and now it's empty with nothing but the shadow of dreams.

I ask God why. Why, when I am willing, is the answer no? Why, when I don't see any other solution can't I be part of the solution? Why do children suffer for the sins of the parents? Why does it look like He isn't acting?

But God reminds me, "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:9).

I don't have his perspective. Joseph sat in prison for years. Moses spent 40 years in the wilderness before going back to Egypt and leading the Israelites to freedom. Dead ends. Failure. Forsaken. At least, that's how it looked. But God orchestrated it for good. He can do that for them too. Not only can he do it, I know that God's love for these boys is greater than mine is. These boys truly are fatherless. God talks a lot about his love and protection for the fatherless in his word. "He defends the cause of the fatherless. . . " (Deuteronomy 10:8) "Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close." (Psalm 27:10).

So, I cling to that. God loves them. He will hold them close. He will defend them. He's better at that than I am anyway.

But still, it's hard.

A year ago. . .

2 years ago today, I arrived in Costa Rica to start my DTS.

One year ago today, I graduated from the Children at Risk school.

Tomorrow will mark the third 4th of July in a row that I've spent outside of the States.

In the past year I finished my first year of teaching in Colombia. I designed a first and second grade reading program in Spanish and taught 9 children how to read or improve their reading skills. I did a Bible study on the entire book of Matthew with a first grade class. I saw God's spirit at work in the lives of children. I rejoiced to see some kids come back for a second year, and others move on to the continuing education phase of the ministry. And I've struggled as some have dropped out of school, gone to very overcrowded and poor quality public schools and faced some tough issues.

I've had 7 different house mates, lived with a family of 5 (along with 2 of my other housemates) and had 2 boys live with us. I lived at Jordi and Ria's, the 127 house, and Torre Fuerte. I moved into a neighborhood within walking distance of where I worked and helped with the makeover of a 100 year old home. I received visits from my brother Jonathan, my sister Rebecca, my Mom and a friend from church.

I learned to say yes when invited to play soccer, volleyball, or basketball. And what's more, I've learned to enjoy it despite the fact that I still am not much help to my team (and sometimes accidently help the opposing team)

I experienced a bit what it is like to be a mom as my housemates and I took responsibility for 2 brothers in February and March. We cooked and cleaned and laughed and played together. I tried to figure out how to help them grow into the young men God desires them to be.

I moved into a new position at my school, taking the role as the academic director instead of a classroom teacher. I'm trying to learn how to be in a position of authority with adults and not just children.

This year God's been teaching me to focus more on being, not doing. I've been learning what it means to rest. I've been overwhelmed by my Father's loving attention to detail in my life, and learning bit by bit to trust him more with the big picture too.

Wow. Amazing what can happen in a year. I couldn't have imagined all of this last July. I wonder where I'll be and what will have changed by this time next July?